


Making shades of purple

by rumpelsnorcack



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-25 02:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9798113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rumpelsnorcack/pseuds/rumpelsnorcack
Summary: His whole life, Isak had known his soulmark was different to those around him.  Well, that was a lie; it hadn’t been his whole life.  But it had definitely been something he was aware of for as long as he was aware that soulmarks and soulmates existed.





	1. Even

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written a soulmate au before, so me being me I decided that was a challenge I just had to take on. Then of course, also me being me, I had to go into way too much detail and write far too many words. So here, have the first chapter of a multi part epic exploring how soulmates would work in one of Isak's parallel universes.
> 
> The whole thing is written and I'll post hopefully daily as I get it edited. 
> 
> Many thanks as usual to strangetowns who always makes me better and to optimisticfairyprincess who makes the best suggestions.

Starting a new school was hard.  It was like wearing a new pair of boots for the first time.  Sure, they looked shiny and perfect and they were killer on, but they scraped a little at the edges, drawing rough reminders onto your feet that you had a long way to go before they got comfortable.  And often, by the end of the day you were so bruised and blistered you could barely walk anymore.  So it went when Even walked into Nissen that first day.  It looked great, and there was a sense that it could feel like home sometime, but he didn’t know his way around and he knocked into people because he didn’t have the knack of how you move on the stairs.  It was close, but not close enough, to the familiar rhythms of Bakka and Even’s heart would beat erratically whenever something reminded him a little too much of his former school.

Even wasn’t the type to feel shy and awkward so he wandered the school with his usual poise, but he did feel off kilter, like his energy was pulsing just slightly differently to that of everyone around him.  He didn’t quite fit in, didn’t quite match with these people.  So, he fell back on an old habit he’d used for comfort as a child -- his right hand ran slowly over the small patch on his left wrist where his soulmark was.  The disk felt warm under his fingers, and he traced the grooves he could feel around the edges where the soulmark faded into the pale expanse of the rest of his skin.  

Whatever happened, Even knew his soulmate was still out there, and still as vivid and vibrant as ever.  He glanced down at the mark and was pleased to see the red as bright as it had ever been with sparkles of gold running through it.  His soulmate was obviously happy right now, her (or his or whatever, Even didn’t really care) secondary gold threads almost enough to overpower the main red.  That only happened when she -- they -- were feeling particularly joyous.  It made Even happy to know that, somewhere, his person was having a great day.  It made this one just a little easier for him.

By lunchtime, Even was exhausted.  His senses were overwhelmed by the sights and sounds around him, and he found it hard to stay grounded.  He knew he needed to centre himself, the way his therapist had taught him, in order to ensure he stayed as much on an even keel as he could, but he couldn’t do it in the crowded and riotous cafeteria.  So Even slipped out the door to the school yard where it was at least less busy and any noise was dissipated by the coolness of the wind whipping through the air.  He leaned his head back against the wall behind him and closed his eyes, willing himself to relax.  His hand had automatically gone to his soulmark again, rubbing comforting circles around the edge.  It was helping, a little.

In the distance he could hear voices arguing, but they sounded good natured rather than aggressive so they slotted nicely into the feeling Even was trying to create for himself.  As the voices came closer, Even found himself straining to hear what they were saying.  The act of figuring them out was doing more to bring him back to some sense of calm than anything else he’d tried.  He looked up, squinting into the sun’s rays as the group of boys approached.  They were laughing, clearly teasing the blondest one about whatever he’d just said.  He was gaping in outrage and saying something too quick to decipher, but which obviously contained several ‘fucks’ and was making his companions giggle in some sort of glee.  

But despite that boy’s theatrics, Even’s eyes drifted and were caught on another of the group.  His hair was also blond, but it was a dark gold and curly, and his eyes were sparkling as he pushed the other boy.  His cap was set backwards on his hair in a way that clearly shouted ‘pretending to be at ease but trying just a little too hard.’  Instead of looking pretentious, the boy just looked vulnerable and lost.  Despite his air of confidence and the ease and camaraderie he had with the boys surrounding him, Even felt like, underneath it all, he was almost as lonely and unsure as he himself was.  He wasn’t even sure what gave him that impression, but something about the way the boy moved and acted screamed ‘alienation’ to Even.  Or maybe he was just projecting his own feelings.

Then the boy laughed and Even forgot all his speculation in his delight at the sight, and the sound which carried clear as a bell across the grounds to him.  The boy was fucking hot, but particularly so right now with his head thrown back and his eyes gleaming as he laughed at the other boy again.  Even was gone, instantly.  He’d been wrong before, obviously, because right now everything about the boy was brightness and light, sunshine and radiance.  The way the light caught his cheekbones and lit him up, and the way his hair shone as the sunlight hit its edges, sparked something in Even.  He knew he should really put a stop to this because of Sonja and because somewhere out there was a soulmate who was waiting for him.  But he found he couldn’t drag his eyes away from the boy, not until the group had passed.  Anyway, his soulmate probably wouldn’t mind, right?  What was a little harmless crush between friends?  And besides, Sonja was perfectly okay with this sort of thing.  They’d known, from the moment they’d met, that their relationship wouldn’t be a forever thing.

“Hi, I’m Even,” he’d said to the beautiful girl who’d been seated next to him in English on their first day at Bakka.

“Sonja,” she’d said as she held her left hand out.  

That was bold, Even had thought.  Most people didn’t do that on first meeting someone; the touching of left hands for the first time was generally considered too intimate for the first few moments of a meeting.  She stared at him, challenging.  He took her hand, and … nothing.  No flaring of a bond as the soulmarks connected properly for the first time, the way all the stories held that it happened.  

There were times when Even wondered about that.  Did the marks necessarily connect that way when you touched?  What if that was just a fabrication made popular by the shows that aired in the evenings on TV?  Was it just a wive’s tale that you just _ knew _ when you touched your left hand to theirs?  But the thing was, people believed it, and to hear his mother talk it was like electricity when you first made that connection.  Besides, right now there was no flare of the colours -- and that one definitely happened.  Even had seen it once.

“Pity,” she’d said, smiling slightly and withdrawing her hand.  Her words pulled Even back into the moment.  “You’re hot; it’d be nice to have a hot soulmate.”

Even had laughed.  “You don’t think you’ll think your soulmate is hot no matter the looks?”

She’d shrugged.  “No.  He’ll be hot, objectively.”

“Objectively?  I think you’re full of shit.  There’s no such thing as objective hotness.”

She’d looked him over appraisingly, and said, “you know, I think I’ll keep you.  You seem okay.”

And so had begun one of the most fulfilling relationships Even had found in his life.  They’d known they weren’t soulmates, but they got on so well that they’d decided ‘hey, why the hell not?’ and started dating.  Here they were four years later, still content with each other but each knowing that if or when one of them happened to meet their soulmate that the other would cheerfully let them go with one final kiss.  So, technically, Even was free to pursue anyone he thought might be his soulmate.  Which meant that, technically, wanting to find out everything there was to know about the beautiful boy with the gorgeous laugh wasn’t against the rules.  And technically, Even was going to milk that technicality for all it was worth.   
  


Through the next few weeks Even researched the boy.  His name was Isak, he was in second year, his friends were a bunch of loud mouthed idiots (who seemed really fun and towards whom Even yearned with a strength which surprised him), and Isak himself remained as beautiful in Even’s eyes as he had the first day he’d seen him.  He still had the air of alienation about him that had originally drawn Even’s attention.  It seemed as if no-one else noticed it, though, because if people ever talked about Isak, he was always brought up as one of the kids at school who could do anything, and get anyone, he wanted.  Students whispered about him, and some of what they said was unpleasant, but no-one ever doubted his popularity and the ease with which he made his way through life.   There were days when Even wondered if he was dreaming the sadness into Isak’s eyes, since he seemed to be the only who ever saw it.  But then Isak’s mouth would twitch downwards, and Even would believe all over again.

While his fascination for Isak grew, Even was also noticing something alarming about his soulmark which was the only thing that ever pulled his attention away from the other boy.  The colours which had been so vivid and energetic just a few weeks ago, were starting to dim.  The gold hardly ever flared and when it did it was with a lethargic pulse which always faded into nothingness within seconds.  The red was now a washed out, pale imitation of itself.  It was still red, but the colour didn’t pop off his skin the way it used to; it was now duller, closer to a dark pink than the strong red he was used to.  It worried him.

“Mama, can I ask you something?” 

“Sure, Even.  What’s the matter?”

Even could see the fear in her eyes, and he grimaced before waving his hand impatiently.

“It’s nothing to do with all that.  I’m fine.  It’s just … my soulmark?”

He tried to ignore the relief that skittered across her face as she asked brightly, “what about it, sweetheart?”

“It’s … changed a bit?  Look --” Even held his wrist out so his mother could see it, see the faded colours and the total absence of the gold.  “It’s not as bright as before?”

Even’s mother swiped her fingers over the mark once, then held his hand to her chest.  He could feel her heart hammering under his fingers and see the pity and concern in her eyes.

“Your soulmate is sad, Even.”  She indicated the mark with her head.  “That’s what happens when they get unhappy.  You’re used to this girl being upbeat all the time, but no-one is ever truly happy always.  Right now … right now, she’s … well she’s feeling down.”

“Oh.”

Even glanced at the mark again, sorrow and pity in his heart.  How could his bright, vibrant soulmate be feeling something so strongly negative that it affected the colours?  Even knew all about feeling something so terribly and so strongly that you felt you couldn’t possibly ever feel happy again, and when it seemed like the whole world had dimmed around you.  The idea that his soulmate was feeling something like that now?  That really devastated him.  And it made him wonder what happened to his soulmate’s mark when he was in his own depressions.  The thought sobered him a little, and he swallowed.

His mother must have seen something of his pain and confusion on his face because she reached out to him and pulled him into a long hug.

“Even.  Honey.  It’s not your fault.  It’s never your fault, and this girl, whoever she is, she’s going to love you despite the lows.  It’ll work out.  You’ll see.”

And Even did see, but he desperately wanted to be loved for all of himself  _ including _ his illness, not despite it.  The fact that his mother believed he couldn’t be loved as a whole person, and had to have part of himself cut off, isolated and ignored, to make him worthy of love … well, that hurt.  And it hurt that maybe the things he went through, and which almost certainly played out on the skin of his soulmate, were the things that would push them apart, make him incapable of being fully loved.  But Even was a romantic, and he thought that hopefully, maybe, one day he would find his soulmate and whoever that person was would choose to love him, all of him.  Maybe his mother was wrong.  After all, Even already loved his soulmate regardless of anything, and regardless of the fact that they had never met.  He just hoped his soulmate would feel the same way about him.   
  


It was a week or so after that conversation that it happened.  The colours in Even’s mark had fluctuated a little over that time, but were starting to brighten noticeably as the days went by.  The gold had started to swirl again, and Even felt peaceful whenever he looked at the mark or ran his fingers around the edge.  His soulmate was feeling better, and that made him happy.

At the same time, Isak had stopped looking quite so isolated from his friends, and the edge to his laughter had disappeared.  He laughed more freely now, and it bubbled out of him more frequently.  Not that Even was paying that much attention or anything.  It was just ... there was a small part of him that wondered if maybe Isak was his soulmate.  The coincidence of the colours and Isak’s improved mood was the only real indication, and that probably came down to wishful thinking.  But Even remembered how drawn he’d been to Isak from the first moment he’d seen him, and he wondered.  And, if he were really honest with himself, he hoped.

A laugh rang out across the cafeteria, one Even recognised instantly as Isak’s, and Even happened to be looking at his mark as it did so.  He watched as the gold pulsed to the exact rhythm of that laugh.  Even felt a spike of pure joy, and he laughed loudly himself as he glanced over to where Isak was sitting to see him staring open mouthed at his own mark.  Even’s heart leapt again as Isak looked up and straight into his eyes, with his mouth agape and his fingers pressed on the spot on his wrist that must hold his soulmark. 


	2. Isak

His whole life, Isak had known his soulmark was different to those around him. Well, that was a lie; it hadn’t been his _whole_ life. But it had definitely been something he was aware of for as long as he was aware that soulmarks and soulmates existed. The people around him had marks that contained two colours, one always brighter than the other which moved in swirling patterns over the other. The people around Isak all knew whenever the colours on their soulmarks moved and flared that their soulmate was having a good day. Occasionally, the colours dimmed and people knew their soulmate was feeling down, but those times usually didn’t last long.

Whereas Isak’s mark was riddled with colours. There was a strong base colour like everyone else’s, yeah. His was a vibrant blue which always caught his eye and made him smile. But weaving in between his blue were several other colours. At times they pulsed purple, spiralling into a vivid orange and red combination. Other times, those colours disappeared and a silvery grey would creep in, sometimes edging through darker greys and towards black. Those days scared Isak, though he didn’t understand why. The first time he’d seen it, he’d run to his father.

“What’s this? Dad … Dad, something’s weird.”

He’d held out his wrist to his father, who had looked at it in confusion.

“What’s the matter, son?”

“It’s changed colour. Last time I looked it was orange and red, and now it’s … look. It’s dark and grey.”

Isak shivered as he watched the colours swirling lethargically as if they had no energy and no will to move. His father looked at it consideringly, then shrugged.

“I don’t know. Maybe the colours have just changed. I’ve heard they can do that sometimes -- change a bit before they settle to their final form. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

But Isak did worry. It took over a week for the brighter colours to return, though they weren’t as intense as they had been. The blue was as vivid as ever, but the swirls of colour were a mixture of the purple and the silvery grey and that confused Isak. He couldn’t understand why his colours were so different to everyone else’s. Why was _his_ soulmark so different?

Isak already had an inkling that he wasn’t like the boys around him. He didn’t find girls attractive the way they did, and though he’d done research and found out that some boys didn’t grow into their attraction to girls until they were older, he still held a nugget of fear in his heart. The fear was buried deep and he ignored it as much as he could, willing himself to just try harder to like girls the way Jonas and his other friends did. But it was still there, and that fear -- and the worry that maybe his soulmark had something to do with that -- kept him from looking it up. He didn’t want irrefutable proof that his mark set him apart because he was different, so he ignored it.

 

Over the years that followed, Isak kept an eye on his mark. It stayed generally even, with the silver grey and the brighter purple vying for supremacy as they swirled around the blue. But sometimes, the purple intensified and bloomed into red and sometimes even to a vivid orange. The flares when they happened were so beautiful that Isak found himself staring at his wrist in rapt attention when they turned up. They were so bright they sometimes even hurt his eyes, but he couldn’t look away. Far more often, however, the silver grey took over and the darker colours began to bleed in. The movement of the colours would slow and there was something almost despairing about the way they moved so sluggishly over the blue, which would sometimes dim too.

Isak still didn’t understand it, and by the time he hit his second year at Nissen he was certain he was interested in boys rather than girls. His heart would beat faster whenever a cute boy walked past, and occasionally he would bump arms with one and would fumble and blush the way his friends did around girls. Then there was Jonas, who attracted Isak in a way that girls never had. Isak would always push down his attraction as far as he could, because he couldn’t face what that might mean to their friendship, and to the way those around him would perceive him. Isak had accepted that he liked boys, but he didn’t feel the need to show those feelings to the world because the world wasn’t kind. He kept that part of himself hidden away from his friends, trying to ensure that everyone saw him as the consummate player -- the guy who could get any girl he wanted. It worked. His friends, and the rest of the school, accepted him as a girl-seducing guru.

However, the more they bought it, and the more Isak had to perform, the unhappier he got. He felt like he was drowning, trying to be someone he wasn’t. As the days passed, Isak became more and more withdrawn even from his best friends. He was always worried that they would work out his secret and push him away.

To make it worse, Isak was fairly sure his parents would disapprove. They had their own problems, sure, and they fought so much all the time that he sometimes needed to just get out and away from them. But even with their own problems, and the fact that their soulbond hadn’t guaranteed a lifetime of happiness, they still insisted that a proper soulbond, a real one, was between a man and a woman and that anything else was an abomination in the sight of God. Panicked lest they figure out that _he_ might be an abomination, Isak always hid from them as well as from his friends. The weight of the pretence was huge and overwhelming, and Isak was finding it hard sometimes to keep up his happy facade. It was easier, then, to protect the parts of himself that he didn’t want everyone to comment on. Therefore, he tended to keep his arms covered as much as possible so that people wouldn’t notice how different his mark was and question him about it. Just in case someone guessed that it meant he wasn’t into girls and judged him for it.

So it was a few weeks into the school year before Mahdi saw his wrist as he reached across the table for a bottle of milk.

“Oh man, your soulmark is sick, bro. Look at those colours!”

“What?” Isak flushed as he tried to pull his sleeve down again to cover it up. Not fast enough to avoid Magnus seeing it too.

“That looks just like my dad’s mark,” he said excitedly.

“Your dad’s mark?” Isak asked, his heart beating faster.

“Yeah. Though, his has different colours. Like it’s basically silver but with these amazing colours in it, like blue and purple and grey and black. It’s a trip watching it go when she’s off, man.”

“When she’s off?” Isak was confused. This didn’t sound like it was about liking the same gender.

“Oh. Yeah. My mother’s bipolar. She gets these times when she’s really excited and just manic, and other times when she’d really down, and the colours they follow her moods you know?”

“Woah,” Isak whispered, watching his mark’s colours swirl gently with the purple and grey mingling together today.

“Hey!” Magnus said, pulling Isak’s attention again. “Does yours get really intense colours sometimes? Like other colours?”

Isak flushed. He felt weird talking about this so openly, but he needed to hear more. “Yeah. It’s sometimes orange or red, and other times grey or black.”

“Are there times when it bounces around? Where it goes from one to the other over some days?”

“Yeah. Sometimes. Usually it’s just like this.”

“I bet that’s what happens when your girl is having episodes. My father’s gets really wild, and fluctuates madly when my mother’s up or down.” He nodded wisely. “I bet your soulmate’s bipolar too.”

“Bipolar,” Isak whispered.

The conversation swirled around him, but all he could think about was this new information. It made sense, but Isak’s heart had dropped. He knew next to nothing about bipolar disorder, but the whispers and gossip he’d heard about it painted it as a frightening and alarming thing that was unpredictable and held its sufferers hostage. Isak wanted to ask Magnus more, but he also needed time to process.

That night at home, Isak pulled out his laptop and began to research. What he found was only slightly reassuring. He discovered it wasn’t as dire as he’d been led to believe, but he also discovered that it was impossible to cure and medication could only do so much to control it. He also learned that there was a higher risk of self-harm in its sufferers, and that terrified him. Somewhere out there, his soulmate waited and he was suffering from something Isak couldn’t help with, something that could hurt him badly. _Him_. Isak smiled. He realised that at some point his soulmate being male had stopped seeming like quite so terrible a fate, even while he still didn't want to tell other people.  The idea of his soulmate was more real now, and Isak held the knowledge to his chest protectively.

Over the next week or so, Isak let his new information set in. He was alternately happy that he’d worked out why his mark was so different, and intimidated that his soulmate was someone who wasn’t going to have a straightforward life. Their soulbond wasn’t going to be simple, not like the people he watched on the soulmate romances on TV with his mother, and Isak felt like it was a huge responsibility that had been laid on his shoulders. He was seventeen, and the idea of his soulmate made his heart beat faster with both anticipation and anxiety. What would this be like? Magnus’s mother, once he met her, was sweet and charming and seemed like a lovely normal person. But Magnus talked about some of the things she’d done while manic and it seemed terrifying to Isak rather than hilarious the way Magnus saw it. He wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to help his soulmate with whatever he might need. But, Isak reminded himself, he had time. Most people didn’t meet their soulmates until they were older. Maybe by the time he met his, Isak would have himself figured out a little more and be better able to know what his soulmate needed.

 

“Any luck with your soulmate, Jonas?” Mahdi asked one day at lunch.

“Yeah, weren’t you moaning about how you’ll never meet her?” Isak grinned at his best friend.

“Nah, nothing yet. But I feel like it’s getting late, you know?”

“Late?” Magnus scoffed. “Most people don’t meet their soulmates ‘til they’re in their twenties.”

“Bro, my parents met when they were my age and they swear it was great growing up together. I just want that.”

Jonas’s voice had gone wistful, and Isak smiled. As much as Jonas hated to admit it, he was a romantic at heart.

“What about you, Isak?” Mahdi asked. “You found your bipolar girl?”

“Nah. Not interested yet. There’s time, right?” Isak coughed and looked down. “I don’t think I want to meet … uh, meet my soulmate until I’m older. More time to enjoy all the chicks, right?”

He looked up at the other boys. To his relief, they looked more confused than disgusted.

“Bro, you’re a legend. You get all the chicks you want. But do you seriously not want to know who your soulmate is?”

“I don’t know. It’s a lot of responsibility, isn’t it? A soulmate? I figure I should work myself out before trying to figure out someone else.”

“Fair enough,” Mahdi said. “Besides, you’re pretty ugly right now -- maybe take a bit of time to get pretty before you find your girl, huh?”

Isak laughed aloud, happy to enjoy his friends and their stupid jokes. It had been too long since he’d allowed himself to just enjoy his life and being with his friends. Warmth raced through his soulmark, and Isak glanced down at it with his mouth open in wonder. That had never happened before. As a laugh echoed across the cafeteria he saw the colours pulsing in time with its rhythm. Intrigued, Isak pressed his fingers to his mark and looked up in the direction the laugh had come from. Right into the eyes of the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen. A beautiful boy who was staring right back at him with a grin on his face and delight in his eyes.

Gaping, Isak stuttered out that he needed to get to class and practically ran to the bathroom nearby. Panting, he sat himself down in a cubicle and looked at his mark again. It was flaring vivid purple and the colours were moving rapidly in time to an unseen heartbeat. As much as Isak wanted to deny it, he thought the boy with the beautiful eyes and stunning smile was probably his soulmate. There was no other reason why his colours would have flared in unison with his laugh. But that also meant that the beautiful boy had an illness that Isak had no understanding of, and that he wasn’t always going to be as happy as he’d seemed today. It also meant Isak was going to have to confront a lifetime with someone else at an age where he still didn’t really know who Isak was. Not to mention that his soulmate, while being stunningly beautiful, was a boy. Probably. And how the hell did Isak admit _that_  out loud to the people around him?

The idea of a soulmate had been interesting in the abstract, but faced with reality, Isak was panicked. On one hand, his heart was beating erratically because of the look in the boy’s eyes and how damn gorgeous he was (like, fuck, if he really was Isak’s soulmate, how did he get so lucky?). On the other hand, the shape of this person was too real, too confronting. It scared Isak that he was starting down this path already. He hadn’t been lying to his friends. He was only just working out who Isak was, let alone how to be good for someone else. Scared of what had just happened and what it might mean, Isak stayed in the cubicle for the next hour, trying to calm his whirling thoughts and decide what on earth he should do next.


	3. Even

Even couldn’t deny he was disappointed when Isak bolted out of the room after they made eye contact.  It was nothing short of pure joy to Even to know that Isak probably  _ was _ his soulmate, so to see him reacting so negatively when he found out had hurt.  A lot.  The one person Even had always assumed would love him was his soulmate, and yet here was the boy he thought could be that person and he’d run away.  Taken one look at Even and decided he didn’t want anything to do with him.

His mother noticed his mood later that night.

“Even, honey.  What’s wrong?”

“I think I know who my soulmate is,” Even said, hearing the sadness and bitterness in his tone and flinching away from his own pain.

His mother looked at him in confusion.  “And that’s bad because?”

“He doesn’t want me.”

“Oh.”  She looked at him again, then drew him in for a hug.  “How do you know that?”

And so Even had explained -- how he’d been wondering about Isak for a while, and then how happy he’d been as he’d watched his soulmark pulsing in time to the sound of Isak’s laugh.  How he’d laughed himself and Isak had looked over at him, how as soon as their eyes met Isak’s face had dropped and he’d run out of the room, and how horrible that had made Even feel.  

“Baby, I know this feels bad right now, but maybe … maybe he … uh, he ...” his mother stumbled over the word and Even realised this was the first time he’d let her know he was interested in more than just girls.  He grimaced.

“Yeah, it’s a he, Mama.  I hope … I hope that’s okay?”

“Oh, Even.  Of course it’s okay.  I just … I expected a girl, you know.  Because of you and Sonja and this … I just need to readjust my thoughts a little.”  She smiled at him fondly.  “Anyway, maybe he was shocked?  It sounds like you’ve known for a while it could be him?”

Even nodded and she continued, “so you were expecting it.  Maybe he wasn’t.  Meeting your soulmate … honey, that takes some adjusting.  Your life changes and that’s a big thing.  Maybe he just needs time.”

“I guess.  Thanks.”  

Even smiled at his mother, feeling happier.  Maybe he did just need to make an effort now, and the first thing was to actually talk to Isak.  No more admiring him from afar -- no, Even had to talk to him, see if he could get him to shake hands and make sure for real.  Then … well, Even would figure that part out after they’d met properly.

 

Finding some way to meet Isak was proving to be a problem, though.  Even aimed to be where he thought Isak might be, but he was never anywhere nearby.  Even would spot him across the school yard or down a long corridor, but there was never time between classes to get to him and talk to him.  Occasionally, Even thought Isak might be avoiding him, but he pushed the thought away.  If he let himself dwell on that possibility for too long, he knew he’d never be able to push through.  And by now there was a need itching under his skin to know for sure if they really were soulmates.

So when he overheard the whispered conversation between two girls as they were approaching his table with a piece of paper, and they mentioned Isak’s name, Even immediately focused.

“I’m telling you, Isak and his friends are definitely coming,” one was saying, her voice fierce.

“They didn’t seem very interested, though,” the other whispered back.

“I have my sources, Vilde, and I  _ know _ Isak will be there.  Don’t worry.”

The blonde one turned to Even with a blinding smile at that point and thrust the paper she was holding into his face.

“Are you going to sign up for the revue?  You seemed interested the other day, and I need signatures.  It’s important to be prepared and I need to know how many people will be there.”

“Sure,” Even said as he smiled back at her and scribbled his name on the paper.  “It sounds like fun.”

The blonde grinned at him again before she bounced away with the other girl on her tail.

Even began to count the days until Friday.  On Wednesday it felt like it was too far away, and Even had a second of doubt about whether Isak would turn up at all.  He’d signed up for this on the word of a girl he didn’t know -- and she could have even been talking about something else. On Thursday he was having serious doubts about doing this at all.  What would happen if Isak was there and immediately rejected him, and so publicly?  That would be … that would be awful.  On Friday, Even was all excited jitters.  Heat pooled in his stomach every time he thought about maybe meeting and interacting with Isak, and his hands were clammy with a cold sweat.  

As he entered the room the blonde girl had booked for the meeting, Even shoved his hands into his pockets and rubbed them surreptitiously to get rid of the sweat.  As he’d approached the group leaders he’d noticed Isak sitting alone to one side of the room, and his heart had leaped.  Isak was so close now, and hopefully Even would get to speak to him.  Given that this was his one chance to make an impression, it was imperative that Even seem cool and collected right now.  Any hint of how truly besotted he was would probably send the skittish Isak further into his shell.  Even risked one glance over at him as the blonde greeted him, introducing herself as Vilde and her friend from the cafeteria as Sana, and he felt a swell of delight as he saw Isak’s eyes on him for a second before they slid away and he blushed as he looked at the ground.  Good.  That was good.  Isak was at least conscious of Even, and that glance hadn’t seemed hostile.

Even sat down close behind Isak, and listened with half an ear while Vilde nervously outlined what they were going to do.  Most of his attention was focused on Isak, who looked bored and unhappy to be there.  Before long, Isak had slid off his seat and disappeared through the door to the bathrooms.  Even followed him.  This was probably the best chance he had of a meeting -- Isak didn’t seem interested in the games Vilde was making everyone play, so Even didn’t think he had a chance of ‘accidentally’ getting into a group with him.

When they were face to face in front of the sinks in the bathroom, though, Even didn’t have any idea how to go about this.  He wanted to jump right to hand shaking, but he didn’t want to scare Isak off.  This needed finesse and precision, things Even was usually very good at but couldn’t seem to work out how to be in this important moment.  The need to touch, however, was itching strongly now and Even thought he could see Isak’s left hand twitching towards his own.  So he thought,  _ fuck it  _ and just held out his hand.

Isak looked at it in bewilderment, before looking up and into Even’s eyes.  Even could see a moment of panic there, before the eyes slid shut and Isak shuddered.  He opened his eyes again, and the look he directed at Even was challenging.

“What are you doing?”

“Offering to shake your hand?”  Even was infuriated at himself for the question in his voice, but Isak’s response had thrown him.

“Why?”

“Jesus.  Why do you think?  I think we may be soulmates, and this is the best way to test that.  Don’t you think?”

“I … uh.  I …”  Isak stammered as he blushed and glanced at the ground.  “I don’t even know your name,” he whispered finally.

Even relaxed.  “Even,” he said softly.  “It’s nice to meet you, Isak.”

Isak looked up at that, startled.  “You know who I am?”

“You didn’t think I’d let that moment in the cafeteria go without finding out who you are, did you?”  A true statement, but not the entire truth.  Even figured Isak probably wouldn’t be ready to hear the full truth just yet.

Isak blushed again.  “I didn’t really think about it.  It’s just …”

“You find it scary?”

Isak nodded and Even nodded along with him.  “Yeah.  So do I.  But … it’s good too, yeah?  If it’s true?”

Isak gave another nod, this one hesitant and wary, but it was an acknowledgement so Even carried on.  “So, we should shake hands and then we’ll know for sure, right?”

Isak swallowed and held out his hand.  It stopped halfway between them and Even had to reach out to take it in his own.  The jolt that shook both of them when they touched was intense, and the flare of their colours was almost blinding.  Even held Isak’s hand in his own and couldn’t stop the grin that spread over his face.  It was true.  The beautiful boy he’d seen on the first day was his soulmate, and he’d never been happier.  He looked into Isak’s eyes, and saw confusion, some fear and underlying it all a hesitant joy.  A smile lit Isak’s eyes, briefly.

“Wow,” he whispered, looking down at the colours on their wrists which were still swirling energetically.  Isak looked back into Even’s eyes and the smile this time was more genuine and lasted longer.  “You’re so beautiful,” he said.

Even laughed.  “You’re the beautiful one.”

Isak blushed and pulled his hand away.  “I … uh … I should …”

Even found himself desperate to keep Isak with him.  He could see the hesitation returning and he found that he needed to stick with Isak now that he’d found him.  Whatever was holding him back, Even was sure could be dealt with if they just learned how to know each other.  He pulled the weed he had from behind his ear, and said, “Come outside?  We can talk, get to know each other.”

Isak nodded, and they walked out into the frigid air together.  By the time they were settled on the bench outside the school, Isak looked more relaxed.  Even lit up and took a drag before handing it to Isak.  They sat there together, not actually talking despite their intentions, but rather just becoming used to each other’s presence.  It was many minutes before Isak finally spoke.

“You’re new here.”

It wasn’t a question, and Even nodded.  “I was at Bakka last year.”

“Okay.”

They relapsed into silence, which should have been awkward but somehow it wasn’t.  The smoke slowly shrank and the two boys became increasingly relaxed with each other.

“We really should be going back in,” Isak said eventually.  “Vilde will be wondering where we are.”

Even shrugged.  He wasn’t interested in the group anymore, not now it had achieved what he’d set out to do.  But Isak appeared to think he had to stay here, despite seeming totally uninterested in the activities.

“Why are you here, anyway?”  Even asked.  “You don’t seem all that keen.”

Isak laughed, and the sound thrilled through Even.  “It’s a long story.  But basically Sana blackmailed me into it.”

“I like her already.”

Isak rolled his eyes, and looked like he was about to say something else when a strikingly attractive girl came up to Isak.  

“There you are,” she said cheerfully.  “Vilde is putting us into groups for the cooking and I thought since I don’t know many people that maybe I could be in a group with you.”

Even glanced at Isak, who was looked a little uncomfortable.

“Oh,” Even said as if surprised and apologetic.  “I thought you’d agreed to be in a group together with me, Isak?”

“Yeah,” Isak agreed quickly.  “Yeah.  I … uh, I’m already with Even.  Sorry, Emma.”

The girl looked unhappy, but pressed on.  “Oh.  Well … we could be all three in a group together, maybe?”

She climbed up to perch next to Isak on the bench and Even grimaced.  He wanted to yell ‘fuck off, that’s my soulmate you’re trying to poach’ but he was reasonably sure that Isak would kill him and/or die of mortification if he did it.  So Even just sat there and let the two of them make terribly stilted, awkward conversation.

  
Whatever this girl did now wouldn’t matter anyway.  Even knew -- and Isak knew -- that they were soulmates.  Nothing could get in between that, not even this girl who was so clearly taken with Isak.  Unfortunately, the interruption had shattered the peace that had been building between them and Isak soon excused himself and left, but not before Even had managed to get his phone number ‘to arrange group events’ even though that meant he was also saddled with Emma’s.  Even had smiled at Isak as he jumped down from the bench, but the smile Isak gave in return had gone back to wary.  Even sighed.  He guessed this wasn’t going to be as instantaneous and wondrous as all the books and TV shows had led him to believe.  But that was okay.  They had time, and his mother was right.  Isak was just now getting used to the idea.  He’d come around soon, Even was sure of it.


	4. Isak

The moment he’d touched Even’s hand, Isak had known this was it. He’d been so hesitant about meeting his soulmate, but when it happened it had been amazing -- something that had felt both overwhelming in its intensity and also so right that nothing else made any sense. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t the bolt of energy that had sparked between them and the wild oscillation of the colours in their soulmarks. The delight in Even’s eyes as he’d looked at Isak while still holding his hand had drawn a reluctant smile from him. There was something really intoxicating about knowing that he had a real person who was going to be all his. And even more so was the look in Even’s eyes, which said clearly exactly how happy he was that Isak was his soulmate.

Staring down at Even’s wrist, Isak was fascinated by the red and gold of the mark that represented him, and when he looked up at Even he was struck again by just how gorgeous he was. So he told him so, and the corresponding joy on Even’s face when he laughed shook Isak to his core. He was still overwhelmed by the thought that he’d found his soulmate at the age of seventeen, by the sheer weight of it, and the fear of how he would explain Even being a guy to everyone around them. But there was something light and appealing about Even that pulled Isak and drew him towards him. Soulbond or not, Even attracted Isak in a way he’d never experienced before.

Even so, Isak was wary. Magnus was almost certain that Even must suffer from bipolar disorder, and Isak was still unsure what that meant -- both for Even himself and for how a relationship would work. The problem was, Isak couldn’t see his way to asking, straight up, ‘hey dude, do you have bipolar disorder and if so what the hell does that mean?’ of someone he’d just met. Yes, the guy was the most attractive person Isak had ever seen in his life, and yes, he was Isak’s soulmate. But that didn’t mean they had it all sorted out. The books and TV shows always acted like a soulbond was an instantaneous effect that overcame all obstacles in a moment and meant you perfectly understood each other immediately. But Isak already knew his wasn’t going to be like that. For starters, there was that long intense silence they’d shared after they’d gone outside together. And okay, so it had been an easy, comfortable silence … but in the end they still didn’t know shit about each other. And Isak still had no idea how Even’s illness affected him, or how their whole relationship might even work.

There was too much to learn, too much to get his head around for Isak to be totally comfortable with the turn his life had taken lately. As confusing as his life had been just days ago, it was much more so now. And Isak wanted to get to know Even, but he was also scared by the idea of doing so. Getting close to him meant accepting the bond, and accepting the bond meant Isak was ready to take on everything that being a soulmate meant. He wasn’t entirely sure he was ready for that, and not just because Even had an illness. Having a soulmate meant you were tied to that person for life regardless of anything else that might happen. Couples could and did break up, but that soulbond was forever. The stories held that once you’d met your soulmate you would always be drawn to them, so even if you split up and hated each other you couldn’t avoid that person -- they had a way of returning, cycling back into your life. Accepting this meant accepting a lifetime commitment at the age of seventeen, and that idea terrified Isak with its permanence. He’d also watched his parents’ bond become a weight around them rather than a joyful connection, and he shuddred to think that could be his future too.

Isak spent each day at school in an agony -- hoping to see and interact with Even, but also hoping that he wouldn’t run into him and give himself a little more time to get used to the idea. He also lived with the daily fear that people would see him and know somehow that he’d met his soulmate. That they’d decide he was gay because of it, that somehow they would be able to tell just by looking at him that he was romantically bonded to another boy -- because Isak was very sure this was romantic. He had never felt an attraction quite like this one before.

Isak’s phone beeped with an incoming message.

_Hey gorgeous ;)_

Despite his reservations, Isak couldn’t help but melt when Even texted him. There was something thrilling in knowing that they were bonded, and that Even felt the connection between them, too, and was thinking of him too.

_Hey yourself_

_You look so hot today I can’t concentrate in class_

Isak blushed as he read that, and he looked around surreptitiously to ensure no-one else could read the messages.

 _You’re one to talk_ , he shot back quickly. _You do that swooshy hair thing just to torment me, right?_

_I am appalled and horrified that you could accuse me like this! But does this mean you like what you see?_

_Shut up, asshole_

_Sweet talker ;)_

Blushing again, Isak put his phone away as the class started. What the hell was he doing? He could barely look at Even in person, but somehow texting let him free his bantery side. A bantery side that was skirting awfully close to flirting, if Isak were completely honest with himself.

Even though they were in different years, and spent a lot of time in different parts of the school, Isak saw Even around sometimes. Whenever he spotted him, Even would raise his eyebrows or grin at him in a really sexy way that made Isak’s insides melt almost instantaneously. Isak was reminded over and over again just how hot Even was, and there were days when he itched to just march over to him and kiss him senseless and worry about all the rest of it later. But there were other days when the doubts and worries would creep up on him, when he was reminded that his parents were soulmates and that hadn’t stopped them from tearing each other apart. Those days he was forcefully reminded that no matter how great Even seemed right now, that there were depths hidden in him that weren’t going to be easy. There were days when he was reminded that this thing was going to be with him forever, and his insides would freeze with the enormity of that idea. And on those days Isak stayed as far from Even as he could get.

That was, he did until the day he got on the tram and heard a cheerful, “hi” from above his head. He looked up, startled, and his heart thudded in his chest when he looked into Even’s eyes. The look he was giving Isak made his toes curl, and prompted him to reach out to touch Even’s arm.

“Isak,” Even said, his voice soft and warm and Isak found himself melting into the gaze that met his own.

“Yeah?” he managed to get out.

“Don’t you think we should hang out a bit? We need to get to know each other.”

“I … um. I don’t know. It’s …”

“Look, Isak,” Even said, his hand moving to rest on top of the one Isak had placed on his arm, making Isak shiver. “I know this is big. But it’s not going to get any easier if we run away.”

Isak swallowed, finding it hard to meet that gaze now. It was very intense. Even seemed to know exactly what he wanted and how to get it. There was no worry or confusion or hesitation in the way he was looking at Isak. Just genuine interest.

“Okay,” Isak whispered as he held Even’s eyes again. He was right; there was nothing they could do but try to know and understand each other.

“Come back to my place. There’s no-one there, and we can talk. Maybe smoke a bit.”

Isak found himself nodding, and that was how he ended up sitting in the window of his soulmate’s bedroom smoking and talking about hip hop music. It was … surprisingly easy to talk to Even. He didn’t push and he took a real interest in Isak and the things that Isak enjoyed. There was gentle teasing and easy camaraderie.

“I can’t believe you don’t watch movies,” Even said, shaking his head sadly while his eyes were lit with amusement.

“I watch lots of movies. Just because I don't watch the pretentious shit you’re into!”

Even laughed, the sound thrumming through Isak in a way that both thrilled and scared him. He met Even’s gaze and they both smiled, a knowledge in the gazes.

“We can watch some together. Proper love stories, you know.”

“I can’t believe you’re a romantic sap,” Isak said gleefully, imitating Even’s tone.

“Hey, I never denied it. I’ve always been a romantic sap. You’re the one who tries to hide it behind a grumpy face.”

“Grumpy? Me? I’m the king of being romantic, I’ll have you know.”

“Oh yeah? There’s romance in that tiny body of yours?”

“Tiny? _Tiny?_ I’m not tiny; you’re just a fucking giant.” Isak was enjoying himself; talking to Even was much easier than he’d expected, the insulty vibes so easy to fall into and so reminiscent of his other friends but with an edge that made being with Even much more exciting than being with them. “How the hell do you breathe all the way up there?”

Even laughed, sounding genuinely delighted. “Sometimes I don’t breathe all that well.” His mouth twisted a little as he finished, but then his blinding grin was back as he added, “like when I’m with you.”

Isak gulped as he looked into Even’s beaming eyes, and didn’t answer. It was so easy to slip into a friendship with Even, easy to pretend that he’d just met this fascinating person and he could fall for him with no fanfare and no expectations or obligations. Without the pressure of soulbonds, it would be so easy to give into this and fall headfirst into love with this boy. Isak wondered what that would be like in a universe with no soulmates. Would he have the same hesitations at getting together with someone when he was so young? Or would the thrill of the unknown future push him recklessly on towards whichever boy had caught his attention?

“Penny for them?” Even said, scooting closer to Isak so that his feet were pressed against Isak’s thigh, and Isak’s heart started beating more erratically. He blushed.

“I was just thinking about parallel universes.”

“Parallel universes? Really?”

“Yeah,” Isak said softly. “What it might be like in a world where there is no soulbond. What … what might have happened then.”

“Oh?” Even took a drag of the smoke they were sharing before handing it to Isak. “What do you think might have happened?”

“I don’t know. I think maybe we’d meet anyway, but maybe it would have been different. We’d find each other another way.”

“But we’d still find each other?”

Isak shrugged. “Sure, why not? But maybe we didn’t know right away that we wanted to be together. Maybe one of us was scared and isolated and the other one helped him feel better. Maybe one of us grew up in an entirely different country and we didn’t meet til we were old.”

Even shivered. “I don’t like it.”

“You don’t? What about the infinity of it? The fact that you have the choice for who to fall for? The potential?”

“I like what I’ve got here, actually,” Even said. “There’s a certain peace that comes with knowing there’s someone out there for you. You don’t feel quite so much like you’re alone with your thoughts. You know? The universe has chosen someone to share all that with you -- and that’s pretty amazing.” He shuffled even closer to Isak, brushing his hand along his arm as he did so. “And I kind of like the person this universe decided I should be with.”

Isak felt his heart hammering even more, and couldn’t stop the blush that heated his cheeks. Even was so sure, so certain about this. As if in response to Isak’s thought, Even added, “I’d always choose you anyway. You’re so fucking hot, and you already make me feel things I haven’t felt before.”

His head swimming with desire, but also a little freaked out about how dedicated Even already was to their bond, Isak reached out to caress Even’s face. “I haven’t felt like this before, either,” he whispered. “It … it scares me a little.” More than a little, if Isak were being totally honest. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell Even -- how did you tell someone so sure and so secure that you were riddled with self doubts and fears about how the whole world might react to you?

Even opened his mouth to answer when the doorbell rang. “Oh fuck, what’s the time?” he asked instead.

“Uh …” Isak checked his phone. “It’s 17.50.”

“Fuck. I forgot. I have some friends coming over for some drinks. You can stay, if you’d like?”

And now Isak could see the hesitation in Even’s eyes. The fear. He was worried that Isak wouldn’t want to claim him in front of other people. In answer, Isak touched Even’s face again.

“I’ll stay,” he said, hoping he was doing the right thing. It was important to get to know Even, after all. He was right; they’d touched, their bond was complete, and there was no going back now. All they could do was go forward and weather whatever storms life threw up against them.

Which was all very easy to say in the abstract, but much harder in the actual cold light of reality.

“This is Isak,” Even told the group who came in with him. Then he added proudly, “he’s my soulmate.”

The look on his face made Isak’s insides melt again even while the blinding fear of what this whole soulbond thing meant hammered him. No matter how scary everything was proving, Even was still capable of turning Isak to mush immediately. There was actually something endearing about how sure he was about all this. He was a strong point of support in the whole whirling storm Isak had found himself in, and he clung to the idea that he could rely on Even. Gay or not, illness or not, Isak had come to the realisation that he just had to go with it. Let whatever happened happen, and try to enjoy the journey of discovery. With Even beside him, that journey didn’t look quite as intimidating as it had not so long ago.

“Oh?” a pretty blonde girl said as she looked him over appraisingly. “I guess that means our thing is over then.”

Even looked at her apologetically and shrugged. “I guess it does, Sonja.”

“I didn’t think it’d be someone so young … and male.” Sonja shrugged. “But I’m happy for you, baby. Do I get that last kiss you always promised me?”

Even laughed and pulled her close. The kiss they shared was heated and passionate and Isak had to look away. They looked so good together, so sure of themselves and each other. How could he compete? How could he measure up to what Even was used to?

Isak had thought he was ready for this step, but he wasn’t ready for _this_. He hadn’t known Even was seeing someone, let alone that their bond would break the couple up. This was even more responsibility and it worried him. Isak was unsure and scared; he had never had a relationship and it was obvious that Even had a very intense one. What if Even regretted losing whatever it was he had with Sonja when Isak proved to be too young and stupid to deal with anything that soulmates actually meant? What if …

His thoughts were whirling so fast that Isak felt almost sick, and Even seemed to notice. He placed a calming hand on Isak’s shoulder as he chatted with his friends and Isak could feel his frantic thoughts slowing down. He was still concerned though. The way Even and Sonja talked, it seemed like they expected Isak and Even to be an immediately perfect soulbonded couple. That thought scared Isak almost as much as the idea that this was all happening so soon when he was still so young.

“I … uh. I should go,” he said, looking at Even.

“Okay,” Even said smiling at him as they both stood up. He reached out, cupped Isak’s face with his hands and Isak felt his heart rate picking up again. Was he going to have his first kiss with his soulmate in front of all these people? He’d wanted it to be special, and now he was cursing himself for not having taken this step earlier. He stared up into Even’s eyes (and how the fuck was he so tall? Isak wasn’t used to feeling small around other people), and saw understanding there.

Instead of kissing him, Even leaned down and pressed his lips to Isak’s forehead and caressed his cheeks with his thumbs. Isak’s hands flew of their own accord to hold Even’s hands in place for a moment and he was rewarded with a glorious grin before Even dropped his hands and stepped away.

As Isak left the house he could hear Sonja behind him saying, “he doesn’t seem all that into all this, Even. Are you sure about him?”

“Yeah, I am,” Even’s voice came strong and firm, amused at her concern. “He’s just not used to it … and he’s young. We have time.”

Time, Isak reminded himself. They had time. Time for him to sort himself out, time to figure out what he was actually doing. Time to get used to the feelings he was being bombarded with on all sides. At the centre was Even, and really that was all that mattered. The rest could be dealt with over time.


	5. Even

Even was all nerves as he entered Isak’s flat for the first time. He hadn’t managed to have more than a few seconds with Isak since last weekend, though he _had_ managed to get his phone number and get Isak to use Even’s reasonably consistently. That had been a masterstroke, in Even’s opinion, because he could at least contact Isak when he couldn’t physically see him.

Which was how he was here now. Isak had sent a text asking if Even wanted to come to the small gathering he was having. Vilde had already asked everyone who had even glanced in the direction of the kose signup sheet, which meant this was the opposite of small, but Even appreciated that Isak had reached out. It was the first time he’d made a move in Even’s direction and Even could only hope that meant he was getting used to the idea of having a soulmate.

His nerves dissipated when he got far enough inside the flat to see Isak. He was sitting on a sofa with the same strikingly attractive girl from the last group meeting, (Emma? Something like that) and he looked like a deer caught in headlights. Even watched as she grabbed his hand and rubbed it on her breast. Christ she was forward, Even thought with a slight huff of jealousy. The jealousy melted away, however, when Isak looked up at him with a look of pure panic on his face. Even laughed and made his way over to the two of them, sliding down between Isak and the arm of the couch. The girl looked at him in astonishment.

“You’re …? The guy? From the group?” she asked, clearly a little drunk.

“Yeah, the guy from the group,” Even agreed easily, though he was feeling anything but easy. His body was pressed up against Isak’s and the sparks that were zinging between them were making his heart flutter. Beside him, Isak had tensed when they’d first come into contact but was slowly relaxing into the touch which was making Even’s insides do all sort of acrobatics.

“Have you met Eskild?” the girl asked cheerfully. “He’s so funny, I love him. I’m going to go tell him I love him.”

“You do that,” Even said with a laugh, watching as she bounced off towards the guy she’d indicated.

“She’s … um. Interesting,” Even said with a grin at Isak.

“Mmm,” said Isak, moving slightly away now that there was more room on the couch, though Even noticed he didn’t move far enough to break contact. “She’s something.”

The look he gave Even was indecipherable. His gaze was roaming all over Even’s face as if he was trying to memorise his features, and Even shifted under the intensity of the scrutiny.

“How are you?” Even asked finally, unable to hold in the question that had been on his mind since Isak had left his house.

“I’m … uh. I’m okay.” Isak nodded, looking as if he were trying to convince himself.

“You don’t seem okay,” Even said carefully, trying to get to the bottom of this without spooking Isak any more than he already was.

“Oh. Uh.” Isak looked at him consideringly for a moment before blurting out, “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

 _Ohhhhhhh_. Even grimaced. He had forgotten to explain Sonja to Isak, so no wonder Isak had been so standoffish the last few days.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I forget sometimes that other people don’t know about her. But it’s over now anyway, so you know …”

Isak didn’t look convinced. “I didn’t know I’d be breaking you up,” he said, a slight quaver in his voice.

“Hey.” Even touched his leg briefly, making Isak’s lips curl slightly upwards. “It’s not your fault. There is no ‘fault’ anyway. We always knew we weren’t soulmates, so we always knew we weren’t going to last. It was just a bit of fun in the meantime.” He looked at Isak, who still looked worried. “I promise. You don’t need to worry, and I’m really sorry that I didn’t tell you about Sonja. I didn’t mean to blindside you like that.”

“Okay,” Isak nodded, a slight smile now more firmly on his lips. “I believe you.”

“You’re finding all this quite hard.” It was self-evident, if Even was being truthful. As much as it hurt him to admit it, Isak didn’t seem as excited about this whole soulmate business as Even was. While Even understood that this was probably a huge change for Isak, and particularly how the whole Sonja thing could have thrown him, he couldn’t help the stabs of self-doubt. If Isak was this spooked now, what would happen when he found out all the issues and baggage that came with Even?

Isak looked up at him then, everything he was thinking in his eyes and it was breathtaking. “It’s not that it’s hard. It’s scary, and big and I thought I had more time to get used to the idea before I found you. But …”

Even’s heart squeezed at how small and sad Isak sounded. “But?”

“But I’m glad it’s you. You’re very calm, and I like that.”

Calm. Even almost had to laugh at that, but Isak looked so earnest. If ‘calm’ was a thing he liked about Even, then … well. Even should probably tell him about all the ways in which he wasn’t calm. But not right now, not when Isak was finally opening up a little. Not when Isak was looking at him like _that_. Even very much wanted to kiss him. The feeling had been building up inside him since that day in the bathroom, but it had never felt like the right time. It felt like it might be right now, but they were surrounded by people and Even was fairly sure that Isak would find that a step too far in public. So he waited. He talked to Isak as much as he could, and laughed with the other guests when Isak was busy elsewhere.

Then, when it was time for people to leave, Even offered to stay and help tidy up.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Eskild said. “I can do it a bit before I go out.”

“No, no. You go. The taxi’s waiting. I have a bicycle, and I’m not going anywhere else. I can help.”

Eskild pressed a kiss to his cheek in thanks, before winking at Isak and heading out the door after the last of the guests. Isak shook his head and smiled before taking a pile of empty cans into the kitchen.

“You didn’t have to stay,” he said when Even followed him.

“I know. But I wanted an excuse to be here with you.”

He took the cans from Isak’s arms and placed them on the counter before gently taking Isak’s wrist and turning him to face Even. He could feel Isak’s pulse under his fingers, right where his soulmark was situated. It was fast and erratic, and Isak’s expression looked as stunned as Even felt. The tension between them was almost visible, and Even watched Isak’s throat bob as he swallowed. It was too much.

“Can I kiss you?” Even asked as he stepped closer and took Isak’s face in his hands, gently as if Isak were a porcelain vase that needed careful handling. In many ways Even thought he was -- still so unsure of this thing between them and how it was going to work that Even felt the need to be very careful with him. Isak’s eyes were wide and his mouth had dropped open. It was the most enticing thing Even had ever seen.

Isak breathed, “yeah,” as he nodded, licking his lips in a way that made Even’s heart clench.

He bent down and brushed Isak’s lips with his own. It was the briefest of touches but it sent fire racing down Even’s back. Isak sighed and his hands moved to Even’s waist, who took that as a sign and kissed Isak again, pressing closer. This time the sparks were intense, and Even lost all track of where his body ended and Isak’s began. Nothing he’d shared with Sonja had prepared him for this. Isak gasped and pulled back slightly. He looked shocked, his eyes wide and his breathing ragged even after such a short moment -- and that was probably an accurate reflection of what Even looked like too if his heart rate was any indication.

“Is it .. is it always like that?” Isak managed to get out.

Even shook his head, staring at Isak in wonder. “No. I haven’t felt anything quite like that before. Ever.”

“Okay. Okay, good.”

Even laughed. “Good?”

Isak blushed and shoved Even playfully. “Shut up. Yeah. Good. It was …” he flapped his hand as if to indicate something large and inexplicable.

“Yeah it was. Wanna try it again? Just to see what happens?”

Isak grinned at him, and pulled him closer. Even took that as all the answer he needed.

 

Hours later, Even woke. Wrapped up in each other’s arms, they’d drifted off to sleep after a lot more kissing, a _lot_ more. So much kissing that Even thought he’d drown in the sheer delightful weight of it all. Even couldn’t remember a time when he’d been happier -- there was something really settling in having Isak tucked up under his arm. As corny as it sounded, it felt right. Maybe that was the point of soulmates, Even mused as he allowed his mind to wander while Isak slept on beside him. Maybe it was someone who made you feel simultaneously grounded and the most energised you’d ever been. Like you could both stay in one place contented forever, and also soar with the power of the feelings that took over your body. He needed to make a point of asking his mother what it had been like for her. She didn’t talk about his dad much, but maybe she would for this.

Isak stirred beside him, and Even turned to look down at him. A slight smile lit up Isak’s face and he burrowed into Even’s side more thoroughly as if he couldn’t bear to move away. The thought made Even’s heart squeeze just a little and he couldn’t help tightening his arms around this boy. His boy. Isak’s eyes blinked open slowly until his eyes met Even’s own. The smile he gave was blinding -- full of trust and love. Even couldn’t help himself; he had to lean down and kiss those lips. Isak grinned as they parted.

“I could get used to that,” he said, stretching a little before snuggling back into Even’s side.

“Mmm, so could I.”

“You’re so snuggly,” Isak said, his voice still slightly slurred with sleep.

“So are you.” Even pulled Isak in closer to him. He thought he would never get enough of having this boy tucked in close to him, where he belonged. Isak hummed in appreciation and wrapped his arms tighter around Even.

“I don’t normally sleep well,” he said, his voice filled with confusion.

“Well, clearly that’s because you’re not as good at it as I am.”

“Asshole,” Isak said, though he sounded fond more than annoyed. “I’m the greatest sleeper.”

“You literally just said you weren’t.”

“Lied,” Isak said, his voice trailing off as he slid closer to sleep again.

“If you say so,” Even said, with a chuckle. Isak didn’t answer, pulled under into sleep already, and Even allowed himself to smile and brush Isak’s hair with a kiss. He absolutely could get used to this. If this was what having a soulmate was like, then Even was really glad he’d found his.

Even couldn’t remember when he last felt this relaxed. Sleep had never been his friend -- it was often something that eluded him while his brain worked too fast and he tried to keep up with it. Or it was something that consumed him, dragging him under when he was so lethargic and tired that he couldn’t resist. It had never been something peaceful that he enjoyed, until now. With Isak still sleepy and warm beside him, Even found himself drifting back into sleep with a smile on his face and happiness in his heart.

And so the day went. They would wake up, kiss a bit, maybe find something to eat and then kiss some more before napping together again. In between, there were the conversations. Conversations that roamed from music to philosophy to school, then movies and TV and back round again.

“Do you ever think about how many different types of soulmarks there are?” Isak asked at one point.

Even quirked his eyebrow at him, questioning and silently urging Isak to continue.

“I mean --” he held his own up to show Even. “I always thought there was one type and then mine was weird, you know? Different.”

Even caught Isak’s wrist in his hand brought the mark in front of his eyes. It was different to his own, and to most of the ones he’d seen on those surrounding him.

“Huh,” he said, intrigued by why this would be the way he was represented.

“I did research though, after I realised why it might be different. And there are so many different types.” Isak flung his arms wide, almost hitting Even in the face and making him laugh. “Did you know there are small differences if your soulmate is going to be platonic?”

“That’s not …?”

“Oh. No. No -- this one isn’t about being platonic.”

Even wondered what it was about, but Isak was on a roll and barged on with his explanations before Even could ask the question.

“There are other types which have multiple colours in them, and some of those are because the people have more than one soulmate. I’d find that weird, but I guess it works.” He rubbed his fingers unconsciously over his own. “I like mine, though. It’s pretty.” he smiled at Even before he carried on in his enthusiasm. “Some of them don’t have two colours at all, you know. They only have one colour which just varies in intensity. No-one actually knows what that one means, but there are some theories.” Isak rolled over onto his side so he could look at Even. “I like the theories,” he said. “I like that they don’t have it all worked out. It’s nice not to have everything set in stone.”

“So there are theories about your type?” Mine, Even thought. My type, though he didn’t say it aloud.

Isak blushed. “Actually, they’re pretty sure they know what this one means.”

“They are?”

“Yeah.” Isak’s eyes went a little soft and misty as he looked at Even. “I don’t … I don’t want to be rude by asking about it, is all.”

“Why would you asking about your soulmark be rude?”

“Because … because this one has to do with something you might not want people to know.”

Even froze. “Oh?” he asked as casually as he could. Because fuck, fuck … it was too soon for this. Isak was silent for a long time, clearly weighing up whether he should say something or not. Finally, when it was becoming unbearable and Even just needed to _know_ , he asked, “you want to explain? Because now I’m starting to freak out a bit here.”

“Um … are you … do you have bipolar disorder?”

Even’s heart squeezed in his chest and he could feel the blood draining from his cheeks. He’d known he had to tell Isak about this, but he’d thought he had time. He’d thought he’d be able to get to know Isak as just himself without all the extra baggage that came with his illness. But it turned out Isak already knew.

“How long have you known?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He could tell by the way Isak winced and tensed that he hadn’t been entirely successful.

“Since … uh, well Magnus said something that day in the cafeteria. You know, when we … or me anyway … when I first thought we could be soulmates. But I didn’t know, not for sure, until now.”

That day in the cafeteria. That day when Isak had run away and Even had been left heartbroken thinking he didn’t want him. This new information put a whole lot of things into perspective. Isak had known all along, and suddenly the reasons why he’d been so reluctant to accept the soulbond became terrifyingly clear.

“You …” Even started, but then stopped, trying to collect his thoughts. He took a breath. “How do you feel about that?”

Isak shrugged. “I feel fine. I think.”

Even let his hands draw patterns on Isak’s back, and they lapsed into silence. It would be so easy, Even thought, to stay here and indulge himself. To take that ‘fine, I think’ at face value, as just being Isak’s low key way of speaking. But Isak had never seen Even at his worst, he’d never seen Even when he couldn’t muster any energy for anything. He’d never seen him so high that he rushed recklessly into whatever took his fancy and left the people who loved him crying in his wake. He’d never had to watch over him through one of his episodes. There was no way he could know that he was okay with this. So it would be best, probably, for Even to pull back a bit. Maybe Sonja was right, as she usually was; maybe Isak _was_ too unsure about this just yet. Even if they were soulmates, they didn’t have to be together immediately, right? That wasn’t necessarily part of the deal. Or at the very least, Even thought as his heart dropped painfully at that idea, they could take it more slowly. To be sure Isak wasn’t being forced into something that obviously really stressed him out. To be absolutely certain that Isak was a willing victim to Even and his moods.

The worst of it was, Even could feel the creep of his depression coming ever closer. It wasn’t going to be long before Isak saw the colours changing on his wrist and had to face the reality of an Even who wasn’t ‘calm’ the way he liked. Or at least, not calm in the way Isak meant. Even wasn’t sure he could stay and watch as Isak tried to deal with him. He remembered his mother’s words, that his soulmate would love him ‘despite the lows’ and he shuddered. He still desperately wanted to be loved for all of who he was, and Isak just didn’t seem to be in a place where he could do that right now.

The conversation drifted into other matters, and Even tried to push it all away and focus on the boy in his arms because despite the fears that had been dragged to the surface, Even still found himself drawn to Isak. He still wanted to stay here with him, soaking up the comfort of his body and the knowledge that he would be Even’s forever no matter what else happened. So for the rest of the day and into the evening, the illusion of perfection remained. But it wasn’t long after Isak slipped into sleep again that Even’s thoughts began to darken. He groaned, and tried to push it away, but it wasn’t long before he realised that he needed to get away if he wanted to be sure that Isak didn’t have to see and deal with him at his worst.

So Even carefully extricated himself from Isak’s embrace, gathered his clothes, then folded the ones he’d been borrowing from Isak. He patted them once as he drew a picture and left Isak to it. Even watched his soulmark flare and brighten momentarily at the moment when Isak must have woken and seen the picture Even had left on his pillow. Having that connection made it all a bit easier -- Even was able to tell exactly how Isak was feeling, and while Even himself slipped into darkness he could see that Isak was still doing fine.

_Hey, Even. Thanks for the picture. Hang soon?_

_Are you okay? I haven’t seen you around_

_My mark looks weird. I’m worried about you_

_I miss you_

_Did I do something wrong?_

_Whatever it was, I’m sorry_

The curse of the soulbond was that Even was doomed to watch his mark dim as Isak tried desperately to reach out to him over the next week or so, and Even forced himself to ignore every single attempt. He was doomed to see the colours pale and fade as Isak’s mood swung downwards. That Even himself was feeling just as bad only made him feel worse, ironically. His feelings would be playing out on Isak’s skin in exactly the same way as Isak’s were on Even’s. Or … not _exactly_ the same way. Isak’s were bound to be even worse, because Isak had that damn soulmark which shouted out all of Even’s deficiencies for anyone to see.

By the time his soulmark was barely pink with no hint of gold, Even was starting to panic. He’d thought this was best for Isak, but somehow Isak was suffering -- and badly. Observing him from a distance at school, Even couldn’t help but notice how terrible he looked. His face was pale, his eyes big and surrounded by black smudges. He didn’t laugh, barely smiled and was definitely alienated from his friends. Even could see them sharing concerned glances behind Isak’s back and he was swamped with guilt. This was his fault, but what else could he do? Trying to reach out would only make things worse. Soulbond or not, Even had convinced himself that Isak would be better off without Even and all his problems. But Even also couldn’t bear to leave Isak looking the way he did now.

So he started to draw pictures again, and slipped them into Isak’s locker whenever he could manage it. The first was simple -- himself in his window, smoking alone on one side, and on the other the two of them in the same window the way they had been those few weeks ago. The caption he’d chosen was ‘in a parallel universe.’ Because he was watching carefully, he saw the moment when Isak must have got the picture. His mark flared bright red again for a second before dropping back into its now-usual pink. Even wasn’t sure if he was fooling himself, but it felt like the colour was slightly brighter than it had been this morning.

It was enough. He may have decided he needed to keep away from Isak, but Even felt the need to comfort him if he could. So the pictures continued, and while the colour of his mark remained dull and pale, at least it flared whenever Isak must be getting the pictures. Even just hoped that eventually it would get easier for both of them. Since Even was the one who was hurting Isak, Even needed to be the one to make it better. And in the midst of his guilt, Even could only see this one way to that end point -- he had to stay away from Isak. For Isak’s sake, because Isak would be better off without Even in his life.


	6. Isak

Once he’d decided to let himself relax and enjoy the commitment of a soulbond, Isak had been overwhelmingly happy. Yes, he was seventeen and yes it was a huge thing to know at that age that he was tied to someone else for the rest of his life. But … the thing was, it was Even and somehow Even was making it all perfectly easy. He wasn’t pushing Isak and he seemed very happy to take things as slowly as Isak needed to. It had made things easier, and Isak had become very comfortable with the idea of Even being in his life for the long term.

That meant that when Even left his house the day after they’d spent the weekend together, Isak hadn’t thought much of it to start with. He’d smiled at the picture Even left behind, which was of himself sleeping alone on one side, and on the other the words ‘in another universe’ showing the two of them still sleeping snuggled up together, along with the words, ‘you’re hot.’

_Hey, Even. Thanks for the picture. Hang soon?_ Isak texted, before scrambling out of bed and getting dressed with a smile on his face. He took the shirt from the pile Even had folded, and lifted it to his nose. It still held Even’s scent and Isak found himself drinking it in. On a whim he dragged the one he’d already put on over his head, and replaced it with the one Even had been wearing, surrounding himself in Even’s smell. And if that wasn’t proof of how stupidly sappy Isak had now become he didn’t know what was.

Isak found himself desperate to share his happiness with his parents. He needed someone to know about Even, about finding his soulmate. He needed to know that it was real outside of the small bubble the two of them had created for themselves. And if he told his parents and they rejected him, well … he didn’t have to see them again anyway, unlike his friends. He’d been driven out of their homes already, so one more screw up wasn’t going to be a huge deal. Taking a breath, Isak texted his parents.

_Hi dad. Hi mum. I wanted you to know I met my soulmate. His name is Even, and he’s a third year at school. I know you think this is wrong, but how can soulmates be wrong? I love you both, and I hope you can still love me. Isak._

Isak’s hands shook as he waited for someone to text back. Eventually he received one.

_Isak. I don’t claim to understand this, but the world is different from when I was young, I guess. If this boy is your soulmate then I wish you both well. Of course I love you. Dad._

Isak let out a sobbing breath, and put his phone down. Until the moment his father said he loved Isak, he hadn’t realised just how much that meant to him. He’d been living with the fear that his parents didn’t really love him for so long, that this small moment of acceptance almost floored him. His mother’s text took longer to come in, but was equally accepting. They didn’t understand; how could they? They’d been raised to think it was a sin, but they were willing to love their son anyway. It was a start. It was enough, for now anway. Isak took several shuddering breaths and went about his day with a lighter heart. All he needed now to make it perfect was to hear from Even and pick up where they’d left off last night.

Even never answered Isak’s text, however, and at first Isak didn’t worry too much. He’d seen the darker colours creeping into his mark, so he knew Even was probably starting to drop into an episode. But as the days passed and Even never responded, Isak started to worry. Isak wasn’t stupid; he’d seen the way Even had become a little quieter and a little more withdrawn after their discussion of soulmarks. It didn’t take much to put things together and work out that Even was worried about Isak already knowing about his illness.

So Isak sent more, and increasingly desperate, texts to try to get Even to talk to him. Despite knowing that Even wasn’t in a great place right now, and he probably wasn’t in much of a headspace for this sort of conversation, Isak desperately wanted to talk. He felt that they should at least reconnect so that whenever Even was feeling better again they could talk about the important stuff. That was the only way through this mess. But no matter how hard he tried to get in contact, Even didn’t answer. Isak never managed to run into him at school -- either he wasn’t there at all, or he somehow ensured he kept out of Isak’s way. It hurt. Isak didn’t know why he was doing these things, but the feeling that he’d been rejected by his soulmate -- just when he himself had come to terms with it all and was willing to give it a go -- was devastating. It was like part of him had been ripped out and he couldn’t breathe.

Isak started losing sleep again. He became lethargic and lost interest even in his schoolwork. He stopped hanging out with his friends as much as he had because they kept asking him about his supposed girlfriend. They’d noticed Emma hanging around, and they’d noticed Isak’s hesitant joy when he’d first been getting to know Even, which coincided time-wise with Emma’s pursuit of Isak. So they’d put two and two together, and decided she must be his soulmate, or at least a girl he was seeing seriously.

“Bro. Isak … bro. You need to come back to us.” Mahdi said with a laugh. “Stop thinking about Emma and her gorgeous eyes and perfect body. We’re trying to have a drink with you, buddy.”

“Yeah,” laughed Jonas. “Even if she’s your soulmate you gotta remember your friends.”

Isak gave them a tight lipped smile, wishing he’d had enough courage earlier to have told them he was into guys. Because if he’d told them that, then he might have had a chance right now to explain how fucking terrible he felt. Instead, he sighed.

“She’s not my soulmate. But …” he hesitated a moment before speaking again, “but my soulmate isn’t feeling very well, and I’m scared.”

“Let me see?” Magnus asked, and Isak obligingly held his wrist out to him. “Holy shit,” Magnus added. “That’s some serious vibes happening there.”

Isak looked at his wrist and saw the darkest grey he’d ever seen there curling slowly around in the blue which was now dull and pale. He grimaced.

“Yeah. I know. I’m worried for hi … for whoever it is.”

He stared at his wrist a bit more as the rest of the boys left him alone. They seemed to realise that Isak needed time to think right now. That was one bonus of the soulbond that Isak hadn’t expected. In another universe, he may not have had any such convenient excuse for being withdrawn, and while he couldn’t talk about Even specifically, he could at least tell them something of his fears and worries. It was nice.

The colours on his wrist were fluctuating now, pulsing slowly between the dark grey and a more silvery tone. The more he stared at it, the more beautiful it looked to Isak, like a galaxy -- the colours soft and gentle the way Even so often was. The slow beat of the colours’ movement may not be as dramatic and exciting as the flares and swirls of the brighter colours, but there was a certain beauty in watching the movements and knowing that this was Even as he was _right now_ , and that it was still this beautiful to him, that made Isak’s heart soar momentarily. Even was beautiful, always, just like his mark was beautiful, always.

“I love him,” he whispered still staring at his wrist.

“What was that?” Jonas asked, and Isak looked up, startled. He hadn’t realised they were quiet enough to hear him, but now that they had he realised he didn’t care. He wanted them to know. Even was important to him, and these boys were important to him so why the fuck was he spending so much energy trying to keep them separate?

“I … I love him,” he repeated with a small smile. “Or, well, probably not love since it’s so soon. But fuck if it doesn’t feel like love to me.”

“Bro, what are you talking about? You’re not making any sense,” Mahdi said, while the others nodded.

“I met my soulmate,” Isak said.

“Woah,” Magnus said, punching him on the arm. “You didn’t think to tell us?”

“I’m telling you now, asshole,” Isak said, punching him back. “Anyway, his name’s Even, and …”

“Even? Even in third year? Shit bro, that’s amazing.” Jonas was smiling.

“Yeah. I … he’s … we …”

“Isak lost for words,” Mahdi said. “Now I’ve seen everything.”

“Shut up, asshole. It’s new, okay.”

“So you’re gay then?” Magnus asked, excitement in his voice.

“I don’t know.” Isak frowned, thinking about it. “I think maybe? But not about every guy, you know? There’ve been some, at times, I guess.”

“But definitely this Even.” Mahdi was grinning.

“Yeah, definitely Even.” Isak could feel the huge smile that crept onto his face when he said Even’s name aloud and he blushed.

“Either way, I’m happy for you, man,” Jonas said, pulling him in for a quick hug. “It must be nice to have your soulmate and know that this is it.”

“Yeah, I guess, But …” Isak raised his wrist again, displaying the telltale signs of Even’s depression. “I’m worried about him; he’s not well right now and he’s avoiding me. So … it’s not as easy as you might think.”

“He’s avoiding you? Why?”

“I think maybe because I told him I already knew about his illness, and he got upset. But I don’t know why he got upset, and I can’t get hold of him.”

To his horror, Isak’s voice broke on the last sentence and he looked away from his friends, blinking rapidly to try to dispel the tears that were gathering in his eyes before they fell. He felt a hand on his arm and looked over and into Magnus’s eyes, his lips still pressed together to avoid crying for real.

“You said it yourself, buddy. He’s not well right now. Maybe wait a bit til he’s better and then try again?” Magnus said. “I know when my mother gets too deep you can’t really get contact with her, and you’ve just got to wait for her to come out.”

Isak tried to smile, but his heart was still heavy. The distance hadn’t started when Even got depressed, though. It was before that, so Isak was still concerned that this was something he had said or done, not just because of Even’s mental state right now.

 

It took days before Isak understood something of what was going on. He couldn’t understand why Even was avoiding him. Until he’d left Even’s house that first time Even had told his friends they were soulmates, Even had been the one pursuing Isak. But ever since that day it had changed slightly. He’d pulled back and allowed Isak to set the pace, which had been refreshing at the time while Isak had been coming to terms with what all this soulmate stuff meant. Now, however, Even had completely detached and Isak was drowning in the anxiety he felt over whatever was going on. Maybe … maybe Even had realised just how little Isak had to offer him, maybe he’d decided that his girlfriend was better for him, soulbond or no soulbond. Isak had to know. No matter what, he needed Even to tell him to his face that he didn’t want this anymore. He needed to know why Even didn’t want Isak anymore.

Feeling like he had nothing to lose, Isak set off for Even’s house. He got on the tram and sat down near the back, his cap pulled down low over his eyes and slouched down. He felt rotten, and wasn’t in any mood to be sitting next to someone. He hoped that he looked sufficiently alarming to be left in peace. Two girls sat down in front of him at the next stop, and Isak started when he realised one of them was Sonja. His heart beating fast, he tried to ignore them, but suddenly he heard Even’s name and he couldn’t help himself from listening in.

“... so I told Even he should be careful,” Sonja was saying. “Even with a soulbond you have no guarantees, and the kid was spooked.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s going to be a dick, though,” the other girl said.

“No, true. But you should have seen him. Even’s fragile, you know that. And the kid looked like he wanted to be anywhere but near him. I don’t want to see him get hurt, so I told him to just keep an eye out for anything the kid might do to let him know he was going to … you know.”

“To judge him for being bipolar?”

“Yeah. And it looks like he did. Even hasn’t said much, but it seems like the kid knew all along and he was so weird about the bond that Even’s sure he’s just waiting for him to screw up.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before the other girl shifted the conversation into more neutral territory. Isak sat there, stunned. He cast his mind back on everything he’d said or done when with Even, and he flushed as he realised that everything he’d done could have been read as judgement if you were looking for it. He had enough self awareness to know that worry about the illness _had_ been part of it, and that his ignorance had made him fearful when it shouldn’t have. But in hindsight, the fears of being committed for life at his age had been the bigger force. The problem was … the problem was that with the idea in his head, Even wouldn’t have been able to see that, and Isak hadn’t exactly been forthcoming about his feelings. There was no way Even could know that Isak didn’t care about his illness and wanted all of Even, no matter what that meant. The girls got off the tram soon after, but Isak remained with his whirling thoughts.

Isak missed the stop for Even’s house, but decided he needed to gather his thoughts and decide what to do anyway. This new knowledge meant that Isak needed to be able to _prove_ to Even that he wanted all of him, and maybe Magnus was right -- maybe it would be better to wait until his mark had settled again. He glanced back down at his mark and saw it was still showing the darker colours. Trying to do this when Even was feeling badly already was probably not going to have the desired effect. So Isak went home, and tried to sort a plan out for himself. The problem, as he saw it, was that the mark remained stubbornly on the darker side over the next few days, so Isak felt like he couldn’t reach out again, not yet.

 

During this time, Isak received more pictures. They always made him smile, because Even was contacting him, but behind his joy he was worried. There was a sense that Even thought he should be different in order for Isak to want him. One showed Isak sitting by himself on one side looking down at his wrist with a sad look on his face. The other side had Isak and Even together, neither looking at their wrists and both laughing with the caption ‘in a universe where soulbonds don’t exist.’ Another had Isak alone on one side while on the other side it again showed Isak and Even together looking happy. The caption this time read, ‘at the same time in another universe where I’m not broken.’

“Oh, Even,” Isak said, tears pricking his eyes. How could he let Even know he didn’t see him as broken, and didn’t regret the soulbond, if Even refused to let Isak talk to him?

“What’s that?” Jonas asked that evening when Isak pulled it out of his pocket again.

“It’s from Even,” Isak said holding it out so the guys could see it.

“Why does he think he’s broken?” Magnus asked indignantly. “Who made him think that?”

Isak shrugged, feeling helpless. “I don’t know. But he still won’t talk to me.”

“Why don’t you go to see him?” Mahdi asked. “He’d have to see you then, right?”

“I tried, but I couldn’t go through with it,” Isak said. “What if he didn’t want to see me? What if he didn’t let me in? Or his parents didn’t? Besides, he’s still not well, and I don’t want to make it worse ...”

Isak trailed off as his friends snorted at him.

“Jesus, Isak. You’ve got to get over yourself. Just do it. Or … or text him something to make him do something.” Jonas was firm.

“Do something?”

“Yeah. Get him to react. So something like ‘stop giving me pictures if you’re not into it.’ Like that, straight up.”

Magnus and Mahdi nodded along.

“Yeah, bro. Just tell him.”

The boys began to argue about how that would work given a soulbond, but Isak had stopped listening. He looked at his phone for several long seconds before deciding to do it. Even with Even’s mood still low, Isak felt like they had to find a way to talk. Even if it was harder. After all, if he wanted all of Even, he had to be able to talk to all of Even.

_It’s okay if you don’t want anything, but stop sending me pictures if you’re not into it. It’s not fair when I want you._

He waited a long few moments before his phone chimed.

_We should talk. Where are you?_

Isak choked and the boys looked up.

“I sent the text and he answered,” Isak said. “He wants to talk. What do I say?”

“You say you’re at home.”

“Just at home?”

“Yep. Straight up. Let him come to you.”

_I’m at home_ , Isak texted. Then he waited. And waited, but Even didn’t call him. So Isak looked down in defeat.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said, and for once the boys had no answer. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Mahdi asked the question that had obviously been weighing on their minds.

“What’s he like? You know, when he …”

“When he’s manic?”

The guys nodded, and Isak shrugged. “I don’t know. He hasn’t let me see him when he’s been that way. That’s not … it doesn’t happen often.” He waved his wrist in explanation. “He’s low way more often than he’s high.”

“And what’s that like?” Magnus asked. “Is it scary?”

“It used to scare me, before I met him,” Isak said, feeling a sad smile on his face. “But now … it’s just who he is, you know? He’s not Even if he doesn’t have that part of him.” He looked down at his wrist again, and sighed. “I wish he’d let me tell him that.”

Isak’s phone buzzed, and he grabbed it, hoping it would be Even again. It was, but what Isak read scared him. It felt like Even was giving up, truly giving up, on Isak.

_Dear Isak. I’m now sitting at the place where we first met and I’m thinking about you. I want to tell you a thousand things. I’m sorry for scaring you, I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry I’m not the person you wanted me to be. I’m sorry I’m so bad for you. I forgot that even soulmates can’t guarantee anything, and can ruin each other. In another universe, a better universe, we are together forever. Remember that. Love you. Even._

“What the fuck?” Isak breathed. “What happened to ‘we should talk’?” He looked down at his wrist and saw that the mark was at its darkest point yet, with curls of black fading in between the dark grey. A wave of terror hit him.

“What? What is it?” Magnus asked.

Isak showed them the phone. “I need to go. I’m sorry guys, I need to …”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” Jonas said. “We’ll get out of here too, okay.” He stopped briefly as they were all heading out the door, and pulled Isak in for a hug. “It’ll be okay, Isak. You’ve got this.”

Isak nodded, his throat tight with unshed tears and panic. He swallowed and whispered, “thank you,” before locking the door behind him and starting to run in the direction of the school.


	7. Even

Even had hoped that his mother might not notice that he wasn’t acting the way he usually did, but he should have remembered how obsessed she was with Even and his changing moods. She noticed; of course she did.

“Even, sweetheart,” she said carefully as she slid into the seat next to him on the couch one day. “Is there something you need to talk about?”

“No.” He made his voice curt, snappish. Perhaps if he was an asshole to her he’d manage to make her back off. It didn’t work. Why did no-one he was trying to get away from take the goddam hint?

“Not even about this boy who might be your soulmate?”

Even’s face dropped, he felt the tears stinging his eyes, and he could feel the immediate interest rising in his mother as she picked up on it.

“Ah. So there is something about him. What’s the matter?”

“He _is_ my soulmate, but …”

“But?”

“But he’s not that keen on it all. He … uh, he knows about me. You know. And it’s like he’s trying to make himself get over it. Trying to pretend it’s all okay and that he doesn’t care about me being sick. It just … it hurts.”

“Oh, baby. You can’t think like that.”

“How should I think? Sonja warned me he was a bit off but I didn’t believe her because it all seemed so great. But it isn’t. He doesn’t want all of me, and I can’t get rid of the bit he doesn’t want.”

Even had nearly spat out the last part, his voice close to shouting. He snapped his lips closed and tried to breathe evenly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I just ... “

His mother pulled him into her arms. “It’s okay, baby. You’re allowed to be upset. But you don’t need to get rid of any part of you, you know that. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

“You have to say that. You’re my mother.”

“I _don’t_ have to say that, but I do believe it. And I’m sure this boy will believe it too, when he’s had some time to think. There’s a reason the universe selects our soulmates for us.”

This was Even’s chance, he realised, to ask her all the things they’d danced away from since his father left. “What happened with you and Dad?” he asked, finally. “You were soulmates right? So what happened?”

“We’re still soulmates, baby. That never changes. But we were young when we met and it was hard.” She looked wistful as she stared into the distance, perhaps remembering those early days. “I believe, I really do, that one day we’ll come back into each other’s orbits and that next time it’ll be the right time.”

“So you’re saying maybe this isn’t the right time for me and Isak?”

“I can’t tell you, Even. Only you guys can know that. But even if that happens, I know you’ll meet again, and you’ll make it work. I honestly believe that’s what soulmates are about.”

Even nodded, his thoughts spinning. This was the first he’d really thought about timing. Maybe they had been meant to meet later. Maybe in one of those parallel universes Isak was so obsessed with, things were working out fine right now, but maybe in this universe they needed more time and space. The idea startled Even, and it depressed him a little, too. But he managed to smile at his mother and eat some of the dinner she prepared. It made her happy and got her off his back, so he made himself do it even though food and smiling were the last things he wanted right now. Even though it hurt his face to play along, and hurt his heart to pretend.

 

Even’s mood fluctuated over the next few days. There were times when he felt almost normal, but most of the time he was sunk in his own head, feeling guilty over having forced that first meeting on Isak when he so clearly wasn’t ready. This was all Even’s own stupid fault -- if he’d just waited like any sane (hah, he laughed bitterly at his mind’s stupid fucking joke at its own expense) reasonable person then maybe he wouldn’t be feeling this awful. Maybe he’d still be pining over Isak from a distance and feeling that heady joy he’d felt when he thought Isak might be his soulmate but it hadn’t been confirmed. If Even hadn’t been so fucking pushy, _Isak_ might be happy now. The intrusion of Even into his life had ended only with this pale stupid soulmark reflecting a whole lot of pain. Which was totally screwed up and which Even really needed to fix, because there was no universe in which Isak deserved to feel as shit as he so obviously did. Even knew he needed to do something, but he was so tired, and maybe he could fix it later when he was not so damn exhausted all the time.

Even slept, and in his sleep he got out of his head, so he slept more.

 

Days later, Even felt like the light was coming back. He didn’t feel so shit all the time, and he found himself awake at least as much as he was asleep, which he counted as a win. His soulmark was even looking better. Maybe it still wasn’t the vivid red he’d fallen in love with back before he fucked up Isak’s life, but the pink wasn’t as dull as it had been over the last little while, and Even hoped that meant Isak was starting to get over this whole thing.

The problem Even was having was that he didn’t really _want_ to give up on Isak. No matter how sensible his mother’s words had seemed, Even yearned towards Isak. Having met him, the idea of giving up was devastating. Which meant that although Even knew staying away was best for Isak, he found it hard to force himself to carry through with it. So he compromised and kept sending pictures. In his head, the pictures would be enough to keep Isak distanced while reminding him that he had a soulmate and that his soulmate still cared for him. Even if he was convinced that he had to stay away, for Isak’s sake, Even selfishly wanted Isak to know he was still thinking about him. If those pictures reflected Even’s beliefs that things would be better in a different universe where Isak hadn’t been forced into a bond with a broken down loser, well … Even just hoped that idea gave Isak some comfort.

He poked one last picture into Isak’s locker at the end of the day on Friday and forced himself to head home. When he got there, he found that Sonja had come over to see him. Even was scared by how much her visit actually meant to him, how pleased he was to see her sitting on the sofa with his mother with them both laughing like they’d never been apart at all. Sonja wasn’t his soulmate but they’d parted amicably. Despite that, Even had still assumed that once it was over it would be over. That they wouldn’t be in each other’s lives anymore. The happiness which burst through him at seeing her was unexpected and a little alarming. His mother took one look between them and slipped out of the room to leave them in peace.

“Jesus, Even, you look like shit,” Sonja’s said, and the familiar mocking tone made his stomach curl in a strange nostalgia.

“Thanks. Dimmed by your light, obviously.” Even tried out a cocky grin but he could feel it twisted slightly askew on his face.

Sonja’s face twisted in sympathy, and she immediately sat him down and asked what the hell was wrong. So Even explained what his mother had said about soulmates and how he was now sure that he and Isak shouldn’t have met when they did, and the reason why they did was all because of Even and so obviously Even was a huge fuck up who ruined people’s lives. Sonja nodded throughout and made sympathetic noises, but when he’d finished she looked him in the eye for several long moments.

“Bullshit,” she said firmly. “You know what you’re doing, and you know this is just the depression talking.”

Even gaped at her. “You’re the one who said I should look for signs… That Isak might ...”

“Yeah, I did. But I didn’t mean you should be a complete idiot and not talk to him.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway. I make him sad. Look ...:” he held out his wrist to her to show the pale faded soulmark.

“Even,” Sonja said with a gentle smile, “don’t you think that you keeping away like this might be what’s doing that to him?”

“Well, sure. But it’s still better for him this way. I’m not easy to love, you know that.”

“I do know that,” Sonja whispered. “But I also know that’s true of everyone. No-one is ‘easy’ and the thing is … you’re so worth it, Even. This boy’s your soulmate for a reason; you should give it a chance.”

“But you said …”

“I know. I know I did, but I’ve been thinking and I think you need to talk to him. This isn’t something you can decide in the abstract, Even.”

Even’s phone buzzed. He looked down at it.

_It’s okay if you don’t want anything, but stop sending me pictures if you’re not into it. It’s not fair when I want you._

He sighed. Apparently now he couldn’t even give Isak pictures without fucking everything up. He told Sonja so, showing her the text.

“Or … this could be the sign you wanted that you should talk to him.”

“I don’t think that’ll do any good.”

“Even.” She sounded exasperated. “Just send a text asking to talk. If he wants to talk then you’ll talk. If not … well, then you can maybe think about walking away.”

So Even texted back. _We should talk. Where are you?_

Feeling a surge of hope despite his better judgement, Even made a deal with himself. If the answer was enthusiastic he would go to Isak’s flat and they would talk, but if he sounded unsure or reluctant then Even would pull back as far as he could. So when the reply came and it was a simple three words, no embellishment, Even knew he needed to let Isak go. At least for now. Pulling all his reserves together, Even smiled at Sonja and said he was going to head over to Isak’s house so would she mind terribly if he asked her to leave. Her smile was bright and delighted -- so happy that he’d taken her advice and was going to go talk to Isak. Even felt bad for lying to her, but he had to do this. Isak deserved better than someone who was going to ruin his life in every possible way. Soulmate or not, bonded or not, Even had a responsibility to make sure he wasn’t a burden on Isak.

By the time he got to the school, Even was feeling almost as low as he’d ever been. It was one thing to think in the abstract ‘I need to back off’ and it was quite another to confront that in reality. In reality, the thought of losing Isak sent his heart into his throat and tears into his eyes. It was through eyes brimming with his tears that Even looked at all the places that had meant something to him and Isak. The bench where they’d sat in silence for so long after they’d touched hands. The wall Even had stood by when he’d first seen Isak. The auditorium Vilde had booked for her kose meeting. The cafeteria where he’d looked Isak in the eyes as their soulmarks had called to each other the first time. They each pulled a hurtful memory into his chest and sat heavy on his heart.

He was avoiding the big one, the one where he’d ruined everything forever. But in the end, he had to go there, had to face up to his own stupidity. The bathroom. In his head, Even ran over the conversation they’d had. The one that had seemed such a wonderful start to a lifetime, but which he saw now that he’d used to coerce Isak into something he wasn’t ready for.

_What are you doing?_   
_Offering to shake your hand?_   
_Why?_   
_Jesus. Why do you think? I think we may be soulmates, and this is the best way to test that. Don’t you think?_   
_I … uh. I …I don’t even know your name._

So … fuck Even and what he wanted. It was time to do the right thing by Isak. But to do that, Even needed to send one last message. He had to be blunt and sincere. Isak needed to know what was happening and why. A conversation would be too hard right now, so it had to be a text.

By the time Even had composed his message and sent it, he was exhausted. He leaned his head against the mirror for a long moment, trying to get his thoughts into some sort of order, then pushed away and let himself drag his feet out the door. It seemed to take forever before Even pushed his way out of the school and into the dark of the night. And when he really stopped to consider it, he must have actually been in the school for a long time. It had still been mostly light when he’d arrived, but now it was full dark, the street lights glimmering in the misty night and a sedated hush over the world. And wasn’t that just a metaphor for his life right now? Whenever he thought things were getting dark, they could always get darker … and apparently wetter, he thought as the rain started coming down harder now.

“Even.”

The voice was filled with something … panic or relief, or maybe both, Even wasn’t sure. All he knew was that his body reacted instinctively to that voice. He turned, without really knowing what he was doing. Isak was there, and he was a wreck. His face was pinched and white and his eyes were huge, with the shadows darker under them than Even had ever seen before. His lips were wobbling, whether from emotion or the cold Even didn’t know. But he was there, and he looked beautiful to Even.

“Isak,” Even breathed. “Isak, I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t sure if Isak had heard him, but he felt arms circling his neck and a face pressed into his cheek.

“You are _not_ bad for me and you didn’t ruin anything,” Isak whispered against his cheek.

Even couldn’t bring himself to believe any of that, but he was weak and he couldn’t refuse Isak when he was right there in front of him. So he let himself melt into the hug and wrap his own arms around Isak in return. He allowed himself to be led away, and herded towards Isak’s house. He allowed himself to take this one moment of comfort before he had to be strong again. The last thing he heard before he slid into sleep again was Isak’s voice beside his ear.

“Please, let me love you.”


	8. Isak

Seeing Even emerging from the school was possibly the best moment of Isak’s life to date. The terror he’d felt as he approached the school and there was no sign of Even, and while his soulmark was almost entirely black, was impossible to articulate. The most his brain was able to come up with was ‘blank’ or ‘pain’ or maybe even ‘darkness’ -- any longer, more picturesque words swallowed into the jaws of the horror Isak envisaged when he thought about a world where there was no Even.

So when he said, ‘you are not bad for me and you didn’t ruin anything’ what he really meant was, ‘you fucking asshole, you scared the _shit_ out of me.’ And when Even didn’t reply, Isak didn’t need an answer anyway. Even’s heartbeat against Isak’s chest, and his trembling fingers pressing into Isak’s back, were all the conversation he needed. Even was here and he was okay, and finally maybe Isak could talk to him and let him know, with words and actions and with all of himself for every day they had left, how much Isak wanted and needed Even. He needed to tell Even that if he were gone, the Even-shaped hole in Isak’s life would be unfillable. That if even a small part of Even were missing, Isak’s life would be missing something important.

Something told him to hold his tongue for now, though. Something told him to lead Even home, to warm him and to let him sleep. Something told him that right now in this moment of this universe Isak needed to simply be with Even. So he held him, lay with him, smoothed his hair and let him sleep. He stayed by his side throughout the long night when Isak woke many times, while terror that Even might have left already clutched at his stomach. He whispered his hopes for their future into Even’s hair, hoping that somewhere in his sleep, Even would hear and he would believe.

When Even woke the next morning, Isak was tired. So tired he almost couldn’t function, and yet he was filled with a quiet happiness that bubbled through him and meant he didn’t care that he felt sluggish.

“Hey,” he said, smiling at Even as he opened his eyes.

“Hi.” Even shuffled a little, darting his eyes away from Isak’s and swallowing.

“Are you hungry?”

“I … uh. No. I’m not. I’m not …”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to talk. Maybe just listen for a bit?”

Even nodded, and whispered, “okay,” while looking Isak straight in the eyes. It was, Isak thought, still remarkably overwhelming to have that gaze directed at him. Even when he was in such a bleak place, Even was still so intense it made Isak shiver and lose track of whatever he was thinking about.

He turned onto his own back, but kept one arm carefully tucked in behind Even’s neck, possessive; there was no way Isak was going to let him go now.

“Okay.” Isak took a deep breath as he started. It suddenly felt like he was on a precipice and whatever he said now would make or break them, and he was unaccountably nervous. “I don’t know what’s going in your head, Even. That’s not something the bond can tell me. But, the thing is … you also don’t know what’s happening in _my_ head. That’s why we need to talk to each other.”

Even’s eyes were unwavering on his own when Isak chanced a glance over at him. He smiled, letting all the love and affection he felt bleed into the corners of his mouth and pool in his eyes. He hoped it would be enough to let Even know how much he was wanted. He got a tiny crinkle of Even’s eyes and a curl of his lip as reward. It was enough. Isak’s heart soared.

“Look, I know … or I guess I think, that you think I don’t want you. But I want you to look at your soulmark right now.”

Even blinked at him, as if he didn’t understand, so Isak gently reached out to touch his wrist. The movement seemed to spark something in Even and he pulled his wrist in front of his face.

“You want me to tell you what it looks like? I can’t see it, but I know it’s red. It’s bright red like that first day and there’s gold in it. So much gold.” He watched as Even’s eyes filled with tears, and he let his wrist drop. “You know how I know it looks like that? Because I feel happy. Even, right now I’m _happy_. Because you’re here, and I … I love you.”

Even finally spoke, his voice creaky and rough with disuse. “That’s just because you don’t know …” he trailed off, clearly unwilling to finish the comment.

Isak felt his heart bursting in his chest, a mixture of pain and pleasure. “I haven’t seen you while you’re manic, that’s true. But Even, you’re here right now. You’re down right now and I’m so happy just to be here with you that your mark is as bright as it was the day I first saw it.”

“I can’t … I can’t turn it off. It’ll always be here and one day you’re going to hate me.”

“No.” Isak was shocked by the firmness of his own voice. “You can’t know that. We’re soulmates. That means something. To me, anyway, even if not to you.”

Isak curled himself closer to Even, hoping he would allow Isak this simple comfort. He did, and even leaned slightly into Isak himself. Isak smiled.

“You remember I once told you I like my soulmark because it’s pretty?”

“Yeah,” Even said, a ghost of a smile appearing on his face.

“That’s true. I mean it is pretty. But mostly I love it because it’s you. It’s so beautiful. You should see it when you’re up or down, Even. You’d love it, the colours are so amazing. I used to wonder what sort of person would be represented by this mark, but now I know you I can’t imagine it any other way. There’s nothing else that could show what it’s like to be you.”

“It shows everyone when I’m … when I’m broken.”

“Bullshit. There’s nothing broken about you or my mark. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful, all of you. Now …” Isak pushed himself up so he was looking down on Even, making sure Even was looking at him. “Now I’m going to ask you a question, one you once asked me and I want you to give me the same answer I gave you. Okay?”

Even quirked an eyebrow at Isak, which he took as agreement. He leaned down and breathed, “Even. Can I kiss you?”

At that, Even’s lips did slip into a smile, one that genuinely lit his eyes for the first time that day, even if only for a brief moment. “Yeah,” he said quietly.

Isak grinned and leaned down to brush their lips together. It was brief, a quick acknowledgement that they were on the same page. Now wasn’t the time to explore any of that in any more detail. Now was the time to reconnect. To rekindle. To reiterate that they were in this together. Both of them.

 

The next few days weren’t easy. There were times when Even would slide into a deep depression and insist that Isak was just putting it on when he said he loved Even. That he was unloveable and so Isak must be lying. Isak would gently show him his soulmark and remind Even that the mark never lied.

“Baby, you just look at this mark whenever you’re thinking this stuff. You’ll see; it’ll show me happy. Because I _am_ happy now. Always. And that was you. You give me that.”

Even would smile and say, “you give me that too,” and sure enough Isak’s mark never reflected the deepest black as it had in the past. Even in the times when the greys were closing in over the blue, there was always a hint of the purple. There was always a hint that Even had some sort of hope, even in his darkest moments.

 

Vilde and Eskild hosted a party that week. Supposedly it was for the kose group, but Isak knew it was really to celebrate him, Even, and their bond. It was really quite sweet. No-one did bond parties anymore; they were considered rather old fashioned and passe. But there was something really lovely in knowing that his friends had seen his struggle, and then chosen to acknowledge it by not really acknowledging it at all.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Isak whispered into Even’s mouth as he snuck a quick kiss in the kitchen.

“Mmmm, me too. Particularly if you’re going to ravish me at every opportunity.”

Isak laughed, feeling delighted. “You’re so hot, baby, I can’t resist.”

“Jesus, you guys are gross,” Mahdi remarked conversationally as he wandered into the kitchen to get another beer.

“Not gross, Mahdi. The word you’re looking for is wonderful. Or perfection. Or maybe goals,” Even teased Mahdi who just rolled his eyes, grinned at them and wandered out again.

“You know, when I first saw you, I was so jealous of your friends.” Even remarked.

“Well, of course. They are pretty amazing.”

“Actually, I was just thinking maybe they aren’t all I cracked them up to be.”

“No way. I have the best friends. I am the greatest at making friends! You’re so privileged to be part of our group. It’s very exclusive, you know.”

“I guess it must be so, since you’re saying it.”

“You’re such a dick,” Isak said pushing Even who just laughed.

“Don’t be mad, baby. I didn’t mean it. What payment do I need to give you to make it better?”

Isak shrugged and laughed, pulling Even to him again. “I’m sure we can think of something,” he said when he pulled back.

“But seriously, how are you feeling?” Isak added after a moment. “I know this is a big thing to come to after … well, you know.”

Even glanced down for a moment, as if weighing his words. “I’m okay, today. This is fun … and I like it because you wanted to do it.”

“Even,” Isak said with a sly grin. “We’ve talked about this. You don’t need to do this stuff just because I want to. I’ll do all the things you want, even if you don’t ...”

Even raised his brows suggestively before laughing and saying, “I know. But I like making you happy.”

“God,” Isak groaned. “You’re such a sap. We have to break up; I can’t be with someone this ridiculous.”

“Ah, you’re right. Well, it was good while it lasted …”

Even started to walk off, grinning wickedly back at Isak as if he knew exactly what would happen next. Rolling his eyes, Isak grabbed Even’s hand before he could get out of reach.

“You’re such an asshole,” he said when he had Even back in his arms.

“I love you,” Even said. While the words sounded unrelated to Isak’s last comment, he knew what Even meant. He meant that this, the small stuff between them, was so good. He meant that he enjoyed these moments as much as Isak did. The statement was simple and unambiguous, and the joy of it spread through every fibre in Isak’s body. He pulled Even down into another kiss, one which spoke of trust and future shared.

“I love you, too,” Isak said, then smirked. “You’re so lucky -- my love is worth a lot, and I’m giving it to you at a discount.”

Even laughed, the sound thrilling Isak all the way to his toes. Every time he heard it, he fell a little deeper. Isak knew there would be moments where Even would be irritable or angry or filled with guilt, or where he would fly off somewhere that Isak couldn’t possibly follow him. And there had been a time when that had scared Isak, when the future seemed chaotic and out of his control and when he was overwhelmed by the sheer weight of all those moments to come.

The thing was, though, that Isak had learned that being scared of the future wasn’t worth it. That fear held you back and put limits on what you did with your life. No-one could guarantee what might come later, and all he could do was enjoy the time he had in the moments that he had it. Isak was seventeen, yeah. He had found his soulmate, yeah. But neither of those things was a life sentence. He would grow older and he would explore what a soulbond meant. With Even. Just because you knew who you were supposed to be connected to didn’t mean the universe knew everything. He didn’t know all of who Even was, but he knew he wanted to find out. Similarly, he knew he hadn’t shown all of himself to Even yet, but he knew he wanted to show it all. Isak was excited now rather than scared. They had a future, and that future was now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. It's been a pleasure exploring an alternate universe so different from our own, and I hope you enjoyed the ride too.
> 
> If you want to chat or say hi, please come find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rumpelsnorcack)


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